15 August 2008
How could 'he' be president?
I got this e-mail today and I don't see how America could vote this 'guy' in as president!
SUBJECT: IS MCCAIN SECRETLY A WOMAN...OR EVEN WORSE?
For the love of -od and the love of this country, you will forward this email onto all your friends and family. The fate of the free world may rest solely on this information becoming mainstream. If we can not stop this, I pray for all of our souls. -od speed!
I have confirmed these facts through my reliable sources. I suggest you take it to heart – feel free to confirm these disturbing truths. Please print out copies and hand them out or mail them to friends and neighbors without access to the Interwebs.
Who is John McCain?
US Presidential candidate, John SIDNEY McCain, was born in Panama (thus the reason he doesn't mind his people flooding across our borders). He tries to hide his middle name by constantly referring to himself as John S. McCain. Do not let this fool you. John SIDNEY McCain, the probable presidential runner-up, has a woman's middle name. At the very least, the concealment of his middle name, SIDNEY, raises serious questions about his true gender and whether he is a SECRET woman. He has admitted that economics is not an issue he understands well. A certain gender is well known to be less inclined towards math and numbers. Then there are his $500 shoes. If elected, it's very likely McCain will institute mandatory lingerie pillow AND tickle fights.
John SIDNEY McCain was raised by parents of Scots-Irish and English ancestry. At their most harmless, the Irish are notorious drunks who enjoy fighting while stashing large piles of gold underneath rainbows. In the extreme, the Irish are violent TERRORISTS attempting to overthrow the government. While no evidence exists explicitly linking McCain to a TERROR organization, he has never denied membership in the IRA. It is also unclear whether he or any of his drunken relatives ever knew anyone who might know someone who once interacted with or passed in the street a member of the IRA. Given the challenges facing our country, we need confirmation that McCain is not affiliated nor knows people affiliated with TERROR organizations.
Born in 1936, John SIDNEY McCain moved around a lot throughout his early years, which coincided with World War II. The exact details of McCain's behavior during this time are sketchy at best. It is interesting to note there is no record of McCain denouncing the actions of the Nazis while they were committing genocides. He was noticeably silent. He may not have been a NAZI SYNTHESIZER, but this raises doubts about which side he was rooting for during World War II. This also raises questions about his potential loyalties as president, given our current wars and the wars he promises to start.
John SIDNEY McCain served as a naval pilot during the Vietnam War. While executing a mission in 1967, McCain was captured in Hanoi, where he stayed in the Hanoi Hilton for 5 long years. McCain's fellow soldiers battled valiantly against the evils of Communism while McCain was lounging in a hotel (most likely alternating between the pool and the hot tub to enhance the experience of both) run by Paris Hilton! If McCain had fought alongside his comrades, we may have never needed Rocky to defeat Communism.
After Vietnam, McCain returned to the US to discover his first wife with horrific injuries from an auto accident. He promptly began an affair with a woman 17 years his junior, eventually divorcing his disfigured first wife in 1980. As President, McCain will be faced with a similar situation, given the current wreck that is our country. He will be tempted to fool around with other countries. It will just be a matter of time until he divorces the US for a newer, younger, and more attractive country that offers him more than we can.
During this presidential election, we must be vigilant to prevent a John SIDNEY McCain presidency.
Can we really risk having a drunk, fighting Irishman who may or may not have ties to TERRORIST organizations? When troubled times arrive, will McCain fight for us or will he fall into the arms of another more-youthful country that looks strikingly like his current country? Do we really want to trust this country to someone who may secretly be a woman or a NAZI SYNTHESIZER?
Please forward to everyone you know. We can not have this (wo)man leading our country.
Bo Gus Smear
*Of course the above e-mail isn't true. Unfortunately, it's just as false as the ridiculous chain e-mails about Obama that are floating around but this one, I guarantee, won't get passed around like a hot potato.