16 October 2008

Helpful e-mails

So I got this e-mail today from Karl Rove:

Karl Rove to me

show details 10:11 AM (7 hours ago)

Dear Ian,

Time to relax!

Obama is way ahead in the polls. It's time for you to take victory for granted, and to stop paying attention.

And there's definitely no need to spend one more minute volunteering.

You're probably thinking, "But Karl Rove, why would you—the mastermind behind the stealth get-out-the-vote program that powered George Bush's victories—be advising us not to get out and talk to voters?"

That is a good question. (And by the way, I prefer "Evil Genius" to "Mastermind.") It is true that voter outreach can tip an election. But Obama's ahead in the polls, and they never lie.

So relax! Do some yoga. Check out the new season of Project Runway. Sip white wine lattes, or whatever it is that you people like to drink.

Barack does not need you out talking to voters in Pennsylvania this weekend—so there's finally time to tie-dye the seat covers for your Volvo. In fact, you probably shouldn't even bother to vote.

Please forward this to all of your Democrat friends. Don't send it to Republicans, though. Thanks!

–"Karl Rove"

P.S. Again—no volunteering! Don't click this link to sign up to help Obama in Pottstown:


P.P.S. Our lawyers made us promise to tell you that Karl Rove didn't actually write this message—but we're pretty sure this is what he'd write if he had.

Well done, moveon.org. Now I feel like I have to volunteer this weekend just to spite Mastermind Rove.

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